Birthday woes

Hello blog, I haven't posted on you in a while and every time I do I seem to be moaning about something or other-still, sod it, eh?

Today I feel worse than I have done for ages. I have the most awful abdominal cramps, leg cramps, headache-you name it, I've probably go it (not leprosy though-ick) I have cried pretty much all day as I am immensely fed up and have felt crappy for a few days, just today happens to be the culmination of it all.

I try so hard to be a good person to people but sometimes you just want to scream! I am fed up of being the doormat in life and I just want a break.

I wish I could have my mum nearby as I'd love to go and see her and just have a hug (am very upset writing this) I miss my cats more than should be allowed-I have a terrible feeling of longing and it makes me so sad I can't breathe. I am fed up with my birthdays all going to shit, I am fed up of my father not seeing me, I am fed up of my bitch of a sister being the most selfish person God put under the sun. I cannot believe shes fucking off for 6 months and leaving our poor mother alone, struggling with COPD! I cannot believe a person could be that awful.

I may move back, I have to help her, it will also give me the purpose in life I feel I've been missing for quite a long time now.

I still have no job, I am waiting on the recruitment agency to come up trumps and also I have to go to the Job Centre, I've been out of work since 28 November and have had no money since then, at all. It's also amazing who is your real friends are in times like this. I have lent so much money out in the past few years to people, paid for them to come out and stuff and I have never once asked for it back or the favour to be returned, yet people are very quick to do it to me-the bastards is all I have to say, what utter bastards.

I give up on people, there isn't a decent soul amongst any of you.